Part of being in a relationship, though, means needing to be sensitive to each other’s needs and natural insecurities
- Are you a flirt?
- Do you blow hot and cold?
- Do you have a wandering eye?
- Are you secretive or withdrawn, maybe even emotionally unavailable?
- Are you engaging with an ex who you know still wants to get back with you? Or do you have an ambiguous friendship where you behave as if you’re their partner?
If you’re doing any of the above, as uncomfortable as it might be to hear, you are gaslighting your partner if you’re downplaying or even dismissing their concerns.
Flirting with others, for example, might seem OK to you because, in your mind, it’s not as if you action it. You might not call it ‘flirting’; you might say that you’re ‘just chatting’ or ‘having a laugh’. But if you’re doing this and then telling your partner that it’s all in their imagination, you’re messing with their head. Same for if you’re calling them insecure, needy or dramatic.
If you have something to take responsibility for in this, it’s time for an honest conversation with yourself (and them) about what you’re doing together.
If you’re not doing any of the above, but maybe your partner accuses you of cheating because, for example, you hang out with your friends instead of being with him/her all the time, again, try to get a sense of whether this relationship is workable. They may have very unrealistic expectations.
Misconstruing a communication gap
Been super busy at work lately? Maybe a bit too self-absorbed? Privately worried about something and finding yourself being closed off? Got a surprise in the pipeline and being secretive?
If your partner isn’t used to the you that you are when you are anxious or overwhelmed, the distance from the lack of communication can be misconstrued as something else. (more…)